The other day at work someone asked me "How do you do it?", (talking about the scanner being on when my husband goes to a fire, actually at all times) which leads to this current post. She asked me how I could keep the scanner on at all times and not sit by it anxious when he's on a call. I couldn't really answer it until I sat back and thought a little bit. Her husband is a cop in the city that I live in and so she semi-understands but to her the fire life is a completely different world. My husband and I have been best friends/together off and on for 9 years so, I knew what I was getting into when I took on the role as girlfriend and then wife. We made an pinky promise on October 7, 2009 that no matter what he'd fight to come home. I understood that another persons life came first but that he always had to promise that the Chief would never show up at my door to tell me something I refused to hear. So having a scanner to me being able to hear everything that goes on is a big stress reliever, other than hearing how much families lose on a daily basis when it comes to a structure fire. When it came to answering her question, the only thing I could respond with was a pinky promise that no matter what it'd be him to show up at the front door, and 3 years later that same promise still stands seeing as we have a 2 year old. She then turned around and asked me, what if? What if he doesn't show up at the door or what if the Chief shows up to give you the news that you know you don't want to hear? Swallowing the lump in my throat as we have had this conversation a million and one times what I would tell Gavin if something were to happen, and what I would do in this case. I still couldn't explain what I would do because to be honest, I wouldn't have a clue. I don't want to think about that or even consider the option of him not coming home but as some of you know it's something that we have to take in consideration living the life we do. I told her that Gavin would know the truth that his father went to save someone that couldn't save themselves, that his father went in to help and came out a hero. He isn't a hero that wears capes, because some hero's don't; that our hero wore bunker gear. I would show Gavin the scrapbook that Darren made with fires and wrecks he was at, I'd tell him all the stories that his daddy told me. Because I know that my husband doesn't do it for the glory, he does it to make his family proud and if something happens then that's how the memory of my husband will always be carried.
"Not all hero's wear capes, some wear bunker gear."
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