Another Manic Monday..

Today is the last day in 2012 and were all sitting back and wondering "what in the heck happened this year". Lets see if I can recap most of this year: Gavin started walking in January, Darren started working with VDot, I started to enjoy my job more, we became a closer family, became closer to the friends who has always had our back, celebrated Avery's 1st birthday, fought off Gavin's first virus, Gavin started talking more & picking up after himself, my husband started going back to school, my baby turned 2, I rekindled friendships that I lost, made new friends, finally got my Rachel Ray pots and pans, took my brother out on his first black Friday trip, became an aunt to a preemie baby girl Emmy, became a better sister, a better daughter. As normal there is always the bad things, but if you dwell on those then whats the point in "change"?

As I sit back now and wonder what my ne years resolutions are (because I'm horrible at keeping them), I seem to start out with the most important one first:

1.) Be happy with myself. In my current state I'm not happy with how I look or feel, but I'm ready to change that. Which will mean no more fast food (except coffee & tea, I'm addicted), working out everyday (no excuses, I have an Xbox with Kinect and Zumba), eat healthier foods (if it taste good, spit it out). If I keep up with that I'll be happy in no time.

2.) Be a better mom. I know that many see me as a "good mom" & I'm thankful for that because I try extremely hard, with that being said there is always room for improvement. I don't need to be on my phone as much because that's teaching him that electronics run my life, and with the time less spent on the phone is more time to play with him. Secondly, I really need to expand this boy's food groups. Macaroni and cheese is awesome in portions, not 24/7 like he'd love to eat. Thirdly, I need to get this boy on a better routine & potty trained.

3.) Be a better wife. I give 100% to my marriage when I know I can give 110% to it. Not many people are as lucky as I am to have someone give you so much support when you need it most. I'm going to have dinner ready when he gets home from work, kid all taken care of so when he gets home he can rest. Be better at cleaning so there isn't a lot to do on days off.

4.) Be better organized. I'm going to get this house so organized it'll look like a house in one of those books! We keep talking about things we want to do in the house but if we get it organized we can start on it. Keeping the house cleaned daily is what I need to work on the most including laundry.

5.) Lose all this freakin (sorry guys) weight. I have had it with all this weight and like in #1 a lot of the things that I have done will help with this one. Just need someone to hold me accountable.

6.) Be a better sister. Being the oldest of 5 and running my own family it's rough to stay a good big sister. I'm wanting yo change that, as I have started my own family my brother has too and I want to support him through it. My sister is about to graduate high school & whatever her plans are I want to be there to help her. My other sister is big into her competition cheerleading, I want to at the least make it to 1 of her competitions. My littlest brother is the funniest person I've met but he has a million and 1 things he wants to do, and I'm going to be a huge fan of everything he does.

7.) Go back to school. This resolution I've already started on and found the online school that will let me go at my pace without rush because as you see I live a pretty busy life.

8.) Be a better friend. I have second chances with friends that I never want to take for granted, so thats changing. Although I have a busy schedule I need to make time with them.

9.) Be a better blogger. I added the app on my phone, have a home computer and a computer at work when I'm on breaks that I can keep up with this one.

10.) Not spend money that isnt necessary. This is probably the hardest one for me, but I know I can do it.

11.) Be a better follower of God. ♥

I'm hoping you'll keep me accountable for all of this. :) Until next year, see yah later!

you found me

The other day at work someone asked me "How do you do it?", (talking about the scanner being on when my husband goes to a fire, actually at all times) which leads to this current post. She asked me how I could keep the scanner on at all times and not sit by it anxious when he's on a call. I couldn't really answer it until I sat back and thought a little bit. Her husband is a cop in the city that I live in and so she semi-understands but to her the fire life is a completely different world. My husband and I have been best friends/together off and on for 9 years so, I knew what I was getting into when I took on the role as girlfriend and then wife. We made an pinky promise on October 7, 2009 that no matter what he'd fight to come home. I understood that another persons life came first but that he always had to promise that the Chief would never show up at my door to tell me something I refused to hear. So having a scanner to me being able to hear everything that goes on is a big stress reliever, other than hearing how much families lose on a daily basis when it comes to a structure fire. When it came to answering her question, the only thing I could respond with was a pinky promise that no matter what it'd be him to show up at the front door, and 3 years later that same promise still stands seeing as we have a 2 year old. She then turned around and asked me, what if? What if he doesn't show up at the door or what if the Chief shows up to give you the news that you know you don't want to hear? Swallowing the lump in my throat as we have had this conversation a million and one times what I would tell Gavin if something were to happen, and what I would do in this case. I still couldn't explain what I would do because to be honest, I wouldn't have a clue. I don't want to think about that or even consider the option of him not coming home but as some of you know it's something that we have to take in consideration living the life we do. I told her that Gavin would know the truth that his father went to save someone that couldn't save themselves, that his father went in to help and came out a hero. He isn't a hero that wears capes, because some hero's don't; that our hero wore bunker gear. I would show Gavin the scrapbook that Darren made with fires and wrecks he was at, I'd tell him all the stories that his daddy told me. Because I know that my husband doesn't do it for the glory, he does it to make his family proud and if something happens then that's how the memory of my husband will always be carried. 

"Not all hero's wear capes, some wear bunker gear."

not all hero's wear capes, mine has bunker gear

I have been sitting here trying to figure out why I kept typing that title. I would write it, delete it and eventually re-write it. Maybe it was because Obama spoke out about the men and women who responded to the shooting or maybe it was the "fire-wife" side of me that gets reminded everyday about the ins and outs of the job. I can tell you being a firemans wife isn't a walk in the park like a lot of people think it is. I have heard stories, seen the faces of men who respond to calls that change their lives and I have seen first hand the trauma that hides behind the everyday job. I can remember 8 years ago on December the 2nd my life changing, funny thing is I never knew how much it could change the first person who responded to my best friends wreck that day either. I remember wondering if I would ever be able to function through life again when he wasn't coming back, but I was never able to ask Bo if he'd ever be able to get over what he saw that day. I can't go into detail about the wreck that day because I can't bare to hear the story in full. I'm guessing the reason why I'm writing this is because we don't think about what these men and women feel when something happen because they don't show emotion until they put back into the station and can finally let it go. They worry so much about taking care of everyone else, they forget to worry about them. I remember clearly December 25th, 2009 when D responded to a call (mind you I was pregnant with our first baby which I miscarried just 17 days later) where a family had just moved to this area and they were just staying in a hotel for the night (December 24). When they arrived on scene it was about a baby (don't quite remember the age) who wasn't breathing, no matter what they did the baby wasn't coming back. D had yo pronounce the death of a baby while his girlfriend (at the time) was carrying his. He was devistated, angry but he had to carry on through Christmas. I can clearly remember July last year changed my life when my husband had a ptsd moment while I was at work, and I saw a side that no one ever really sees. He described to me a call and I swear to you it was real enough that I felt like I was there. It was a structure fire and they went to search to make sure no one was inside, D heard a baby but the floor wasn't stable. He lunged for the baby when his father grabbed him and pulled him back, I would have lost my husband that day. I guess this has to do with the shooting in Newtown, thinking about how the first responders had to go into the school and see the innocent babies lying on the floor knowing that hours before they just dropped their kids off the same way; but instead of them breaking down and crying like America did that day, they did their job. I'm sure once they got back to the station, they broke down but no one but their brothers saw it that day. I couldn't imagine my emotions if I had to respond to that call, because my heart was shattered with the news. This is something that I learned from the shooting is that every moment counts because you never know when things are going to change.
Moral of this long post:
1. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.
2. Always thank your firemen, they deserve it.
3. Tough times don't last, only tough people do.
4. Hug your children a little tighter, tell them you love them a whole lot more.
5. Live today like there's no tomorrow, it's not guaranteed.

Superhero(ing) Thursday.

To say the least, I took Thursday head on and won. :) I woke up this morning and looked skinnier, and you could only imagine how excited I was! The only night I did 200 crunches, 1 minute of wall sits (for those thighs), and then 1 minute of planking! So after seeing a small result from that I have decided it's time to keep on this exercise thing! So, I'm hoping you'll keep me on my toes and help me make myself more dedicated. Thanks to my Xbox Kinect which I have Zumba for I'm also looking up a bunch of exercises for me to do when I'm not near the Xbox. :) I'll be starting a page for my before/after pictures and i'll also be posting my work outs as they come. Here's to starting dieting in December (yes, I know it's right in the Holidays) but it's about time that I get to working on this. Sorry there isn't much to update, the munchkin is sleeping so I need to squeeze these workouts in! :)

I can blog, say what?

So, I finally restarted a blog that i'm hoping i'll be able to manage and keep up with. I came home from work today and told my husband I was going to blog, downloaded games on my phone for my son to play and then straight to blogging I came. I finished my pages that needed to be touched up and published those. Now I'm here writing this to you. I've been running since 5:00am this morning and still have plenty of energy to go, except to clean my house! Apparently cutting overtime at work means I SHOULD have time (considering I sit in front of a computer all day long this sort of thing shouldn't seem interesting right now), but I spent some time with my little noodle, and husband. Instead of staying at home and eating we went out to eat for dinner. I'm really just hoping that tomorrow and Friday fly by so that way on Saturday we can head out to Short Pump for some lunch and shopping. Saturday we're taking Gavin (2 years old), Avery (1.5 years old), Darren, Eric, and I all out. No, it's not as bad as it sounds, I'm used to being the only girl it's nice to have guy friends that aren't drama all the time. I'm not saying that my girl friends aren't great, because they are and 80% of them aren't drama but you still have the people who don't THINK they have drama when in all reality they do. However, tonight is Wednesday which means it's time to get little noodle changed and head out to Dooms for Darren's volunteer night. Have a great night, and happy blogging.

xoxo