I have been sitting here trying to figure out why I kept typing that title. I would write it, delete it and eventually re-write it. Maybe it was because Obama spoke out about the men and women who responded to the shooting or maybe it was the "fire-wife" side of me that gets reminded everyday about the ins and outs of the job. I can tell you being a firemans wife isn't a walk in the park like a lot of people think it is. I have heard stories, seen the faces of men who respond to calls that change their lives and I have seen first hand the trauma that hides behind the everyday job. I can remember 8 years ago on December the 2nd my life changing, funny thing is I never knew how much it could change the first person who responded to my best friends wreck that day either. I remember wondering if I would ever be able to function through life again when he wasn't coming back, but I was never able to ask Bo if he'd ever be able to get over what he saw that day. I can't go into detail about the wreck that day because I can't bare to hear the story in full. I'm guessing the reason why I'm writing this is because we don't think about what these men and women feel when something happen because they don't show emotion until they put back into the station and can finally let it go. They worry so much about taking care of everyone else, they forget to worry about them. I remember clearly December 25th, 2009 when D responded to a call (mind you I was pregnant with our first baby which I miscarried just 17 days later) where a family had just moved to this area and they were just staying in a hotel for the night (December 24). When they arrived on scene it was about a baby (don't quite remember the age) who wasn't breathing, no matter what they did the baby wasn't coming back. D had yo pronounce the death of a baby while his girlfriend (at the time) was carrying his. He was devistated, angry but he had to carry on through Christmas. I can clearly remember July last year changed my life when my husband had a ptsd moment while I was at work, and I saw a side that no one ever really sees. He described to me a call and I swear to you it was real enough that I felt like I was there. It was a structure fire and they went to search to make sure no one was inside, D heard a baby but the floor wasn't stable. He lunged for the baby when his father grabbed him and pulled him back, I would have lost my husband that day. I guess this has to do with the shooting in Newtown, thinking about how the first responders had to go into the school and see the innocent babies lying on the floor knowing that hours before they just dropped their kids off the same way; but instead of them breaking down and crying like America did that day, they did their job. I'm sure once they got back to the station, they broke down but no one but their brothers saw it that day. I couldn't imagine my emotions if I had to respond to that call, because my heart was shattered with the news. This is something that I learned from the shooting is that every moment counts because you never know when things are going to change.
Moral of this long post:
1. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.
2. Always thank your firemen, they deserve it.
3. Tough times don't last, only tough people do.
4. Hug your children a little tighter, tell them you love them a whole lot more.
5. Live today like there's no tomorrow, it's not guaranteed.
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